i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize