I feel great
I just peed on a car
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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