Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
