these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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