I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize