Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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