Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
