I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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