Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
