I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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