One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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