I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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