She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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