Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize