I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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