I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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