i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize