Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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