I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
