he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
