U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
