how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
