Umm I'm too high to move.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I intend to get homeless drunk
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize