where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
