carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
