so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
