i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
