Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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