my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize