Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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