I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
