Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
