and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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