Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
