Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
