if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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