she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
