i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
