Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
All I want is dick and wine.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
