I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
