She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
