You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My dick has a subreddit
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
