I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
