this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
