drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
