Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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