Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
