Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
