I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
