We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
he quoted the bible to break up with me
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
