if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
