Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
false alarm. still invincible.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Randomize
