Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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