Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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