I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Someone stole a lamp last night.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
