It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
