I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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