is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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