I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
