That reminds me...we need to get swords
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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