Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
