You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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