Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
