I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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