I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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