Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
