Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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