DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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