You smell like stripper and shame
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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