Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Walk of Shame today included voting.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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