the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
