ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
