Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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