Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
