Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
