I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Im part way to drunk.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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