You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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