So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
