ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize