I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
