it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
