You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize