now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
