I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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