I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
