his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
