Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
