shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i think i have herpe
just one?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
