Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
