You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
