I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
