Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize